Hmmm - I wonder about the big ghost moment - the blue light, the fright factor... Isn't it more that, as she's close to death, her 'soul' sort of separates from her - and they're sort of left looking at each other - it's not so much a fright as just 'odd'. A bit more understated perhaps? In this sense the 'Are you me?' line seems unnecessary too, because if they look the same, the audience will have worked this out. At the end, when she wakes up at the hospital bed, wouldn't there be people around her? I mean maybe the story is about her coming out of a coma, or rather 'pulling through' on that first terrible night after her head injury or whatever, so there would be a vigil of parents around her bed. It's a story I suppose of someone 'choosing life' - the music box is symbolic of her life; it winds down, and she thinks about letting it, but then her 'ghost' allows her to glimpse the sadness and disappointment of 'letting go' - and then she decides to live, and then she wakes up, and her family are there to see it. I'm sort of seeing that, around her bed, there might be cards with ballerina shoes on it, so we know that she's a little girl who dreams of being a prima-ballerina one-day. (And the music box we see at the end is also on her hospital bedside, brought to her by her parents for comfort?)/ The music box could be playing the theme of Swan Lake - for example. Maybe when we see her in the final scene, we also see that she's got bandaging on her head (some kind of serious head injury, I don't know, bleeding on the brain?). My impression from your script is just that things are bit too ramped up, that perhaps everything is a little more understated?
Ah yes!!! Thank you, Phil!! :)