Wednesday, 20 January 2016

SCRIPT TO SCREEN: Online Greenlight Review 20/01/2016

1 comment:

  1. OGR 21/01/2016

    Looks to me, as if you're pretty much ready to go. I still think that there should be nothing as explicit in your film as seeing the 'ghost girl' originate from the 'alive girl'. We don't need to be told what's happening in this way. Indeed, the whole sense of 'clicking into place' you'll achieve when we understand that the little girl never left the bed at the end of the film will be fudged if you *show* the audience that the double girl is the dead version of the character. Just have the little girl look up - react in surprise - and then just show us the dead girl from the alive girl's POV and the cut to a wider shot in which you show the two girls facing each other - make her appear as if from nowhere. I don't even think the ghost girl should be 'blue' or spectral. She's just ordinary - but of course without the bandage, and she's dressed in her ballet stuff. The more subtle and understated this gets, the more poignant it will be. Think of your story as a story with no special effects in it - nothing fancy, nothing which draws attention to it being 'genre'. Just a beautifully put together sequence of shots which build slowly to create the 'oh!' moment at the end of the story. Softly, softly etc. Also, in terms of your premise, not sure the girl is 'tormented' by her dream is she? Again, think about the tone of your film; it's a ghost story without the trappings of a ghost story.