Wednesday, 23 March 2016



1 comment:

  1. Hi Tom,

    Great to see you pushing this along - some further observations then:

    Personally, I think the music isn't helping you: I'd go for something much more 'out there' and creative; that we still have the gentle music when we see the bacteria just feels like a misstep - it feels as if the bacteria should have sound signature of their own, something that inspires a sense of pollution and attack. I reckon this could get much more 'soundscapey' and less music-driven...

    "again and again they attacked" ... this really feels as if we need to see this evidenced; this isn't a peaceful image; this should somehow convey 'wave after wave' of the enemy...

    That whole section about 'our enemies had learned from our idols' needs to be 'shown' and not just reported, otherwise you're going to struggle to show how bacteria become resistant; think about you might show your little antibody characters being beaten, and the bacteria taking on their symbols as tattoos - think about showing conflict. Again, I think the music is encouraging you away from some of the elements that your story needs in order to communicate.